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  1. Priorities… A list…

    April 21, 2013 by Audrey

    IMG_0920A couple of weeks ago, someone shared with me their life priorities. It made me think.

    For about 4 years, I couldn’t really have a plan because I didn’t know where I’d be in 2-years (for the best), then there was last year’s turmoil with the move and the rebuilding a life somewhere new. A year later, I’m settled, I’m happy, I’m living a peaceful one-day-at-a-time life… and someone has to bring up the “life priorities” question…

    Really? Because, now, of course, I need to figure out what mines are.

    And because you have to keep yourself busy during an 8.5-hour flight (Mad Men only killed two of those), I made a list.

    • Priority #7: Write, tell stories
    • Priority #6: Share what I have learned, help others achieve their goals
    • Priority #5: Nest, have a place to drop my luggage, a home
    • Priority #4: Love, find someone who I can be myself and feel good with
    • Priority #3: See, smell and taste the world
    • Priority #2: Maintain and sustain my independence and my freedom
    • Priority #1: Do not miss on opportunities life offers me because of my priorities.

     

    What about you? What would you say your life priorities are?

     

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  2. Fasten your seat belts

    February 24, 2013 by Audrey

    Rome

    Rome | Italy

    One thing I love more than anything is to see plane (or train) tickets piling up on my desk, as as many promises of new adventures. And right now, they do…
    I’m happy as a clam in my new home (currently writing this post from the warmth of my bed as I watch snowflakes fly out my window) but the traveling bug is never going to leave me, so I’m looking at a few month of moving around before summer sets in…

    March

    I will be visiting my family in South of France. They’re the reason why I moved back to France, so I’m making a point of going there a few times a year. My father will be fishing somewhere in Senegal (guess where the traveling gene is coming from…) but I’ll get to spend some time with my grand’ma and with the little munchkins. And, in those moments, I really know that I made the right decision coming back.

    April

    You can take the girl out of Philly but you can’t take Philly out of the girl… And twice a year, the girl has to come and reconnect: for a couple of weeks, I’ll have a chance to live in my old home with my favorite roommate ever, I’ll sit down at coffee shops for hours on, I’ll drink in restaurants and eat in bars, I’ll have lots of diner food and breakfast sandwiches, I’ll go out dancing and I’ll walk around the my city spending quality time with the people I miss so much…

    And, on my last night there, I’ll have the privilege to be a judge on Dancing With The Philadelphia Stars, a fundraiser that has been dear to my heart for many years. Who can ask for a best way to end my visit?

    May

    It is not completely final yet, but a friend and I are looking into doing a little girls weekend in London. I have heard that A Chorus Line was performing at the Palladium and since it’s my favorite musical, it would be a great chance to see it there.

    But also, while staying in Lyon, I am expecting that month the visit of one of my Philly friend. And that’s the best. Having my worlds collide and sharing my daily life here with the people from my daily life there.

    June

    Expect a real Adventure In Heels that month as I’m heading to Rome, Italy for my friends’ wedding. I have never been to Rome and it will be a perfect opportunity to spend a few days roaming around the city. I’m also looking forward to taking a solo-trip there. As much as I love sharing my travels with friends, there’s no better way to discover a place that visiting it alone. Plus the journey will end, with many Philly friends getting together in the outskirts of the city and celebrating love and happiness. Again, who can ask for a better way to end that trip?

    So, I know I have been very lazy keeping this blog up to date lately, and I apologize. But I promise you’ll have some great stories coming up very soon… Stay tuned!

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  3. Once upon a lifetime ago… | Part 2

    January 30, 2013 by Audrey

    Aix-en-Provence, 1992

    Aix-en-Provence, 1992

    Episode 2 of you digging into my all-so-private life (ahem…) through my teenage diary…

    July 1990:

    That’s what I actually remember as being my first “official” love. His name is Michael, we meet in a family camp on Belle-Ile-en-Mer, Dirty Dancing style (without the sex, I’m only 16 after all). I remember crying the entire drive back (about 10 hours) and my mother going completely crazy in the car… We have known each other for about a week and in my head: “I’m in a relationship. A real one.” I’m sure we’ll write to each other until we get to see each other again and love each other “physically. If you know what I mean.” (just quoting…) Oh dear…

    I never saw him again.

    December 1992:

    I just passed my driver’s license. The pink slip (yes, different meaning in France) is glued in the diary. I am in college in Aix-en-Provence; and I’m very excited by a suede jacket I just purchased. I remember it very clearly, it was big, black and fringed… So many fringes… Brrr… Well, back then I thought it was wonderful. I guess my fashion sense only came later.

    January 1993

    First encounter with Emir Kusturica. At this point, I’m just a film student that went to the avant-première of Arizona Dream and has a thing for Serbian directors. Now that I think of it, that really was a great movie… As for the encounters, there will be a second one.

    I’m 19. I fantasize about Audrey Hepburn who died the day before my birthday. I sincerely crave a real love story. And I meet Vincent, my first gay-boyfriend. Although, I didn’t know he was “gay” (the red velvet pants did not speak to me at all) and I thought he could become my “boyfriend”… after all, we were getting along so well.

    July 1993

    I lost my first close friend, in a motorcycle accident. I turn to writing when I can’t sleep: “90 sheep in I still can’t sleep. All I can think of is: writing.” I love that I wrote that. I’m proud of myself for writing that.

    Mai 1994

    I’m going from man to man: falling a little harder every time, in a desperate quest of being loved back. Which I am, pretty much, never.

    December 1995

    It’s my last post from the 90ies. Once again, I lost a friend to the road.

    There’s a 7-year gap before I re-open the diary and take my first trip down memory lane.

    January 2003

    “I am lucky that I loved so much and so many times. It’s wonderful. Sometimes I would love to be able to love unconditionally again, like a teenager. I realize, with horror, that I’m now able to analyze my feelings, almost clinically, and put various names on them. You could say, in a way that would allow me to love different persons at the same time.”

    I categorize men: one for the head, one for the gut (which is how I described sexual attraction), and one for the heart.

    10-years and many love stories later, the one that was then in my heart, is still here, in his own unconventional way. And I sincerely hope he will always be.

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  4. Once upon a lifetime ago…

    January 23, 2013 by Audrey

    1989I’m not on that picture, no use trying to find me… Although, that’s what we looked like, back in 1989, in South of France. If my memory is correct, it was my birthday. I was turning 15 (go ahead, calculate…)

    I’m not suddenly nostalgic of my teenage years. I don’t think I’ll ever be. It was fun, but I liked my adult years much better. While opening more boxes that came from my grandmother’s attic, I just happened to find my first diary. And that brought me WAY back!

    Here’s some to make you laugh a little…

    1985:

    I start the diary with a warning-preface “If you keep on reading, you’re going to access my private life”… What sort of private life did I have at 11?

    I liked Etienne Daho… I don’t remember liking Etienne Daho. I had good taste.

    My dad was driving a Peugeot 205 GTI, and I thought it was the coolest thing.

    I went horse-back riding for the first time and felt like I just lived my life-long dream. Thankfully, I had many life-long dreams to live after that…

    August 1987:

    My best friend is Vanessa (we got into a huge fight later on and we took way different paths). We sneak out of the house after the parents are asleep to walk down to the beach and hang out with the boys. I’m in love with a dude named “Jarno” (what sort of name is that?) and I think I will never love anyone else. Little did I know…

    I spent pages writing our names together, what a waste of paper… Moving on…

    July 1989:

    I think I’m going to get married to a guy named “Eric”. I think I vaguely remember him, he was one of my guy-friend’s older brother. I feel like our relationship evolved on the “stare” level (nope, seriously, that’s what I wrote…) Now I caught him looking at me about 20 times…

    Now this is too good for just one post… We need a little cliffhanger before going into the 90ies… Next week on OhLittleAudreySays: Will Eric & I ever pass the “starring” level in our relationship? We’ll we get married and happily ever after?

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  5. Before / After

    November 26, 2012 by Audrey

    I have been toying with the idea of doing a Before/After post for a while now… You hear me talk about how I don’t want to go back to what I was before (as in: before moving to Philadelphia). What I was before is what you see on that image. I scrambled to find a picture that I wouldn’t have tears in my eyes every time I look at it because I cannot even believe what I looked like.

    What happened between before and after? I don’t know for sure. I think I just took control. And I’m still really far from perfection but I’m a lot more comfortable with who I am. Distance from my life? Different influences? I’m not sure what it is, but it worked.

    Before, I was fat. Let’s be honest. I was. After? I’m still curvy but in a healthier range. I made peace with the fact that I will never be a stick figure. And I stopped the yo-yo and crazy diets. What worked for me was the South Beach Diet. But more than anything, what worked was to totally control and plan what I was putting in my mouth.

    Before, I hated running. No wonders, I was breathless and coughing my lungs after the first 3 minutes. I’m not a masochist. I don’t like painful things. After? I’m miserable when I can’t run for several days straight (like, right now…) Oh I’m not doing marathons or anything, but I enjoy my 30 minutes on the treadmill, several times a week. I made peace with the fact that I was an indoor runner and stopped comparing myself to others. Again, it’s a question of control. What works is that I can dose how much I can push myself and progressively make things harder.

    Before, I was angry. I took everything very personal and I couldn’t stand being corrected. After? I learned how to breathe through disagreements. Oh, I still feel my blood starting to boil and my voice raising…  but it takes me a lot less time to bring everything back to a steadier level. I don’t know what I did, I think I just stopped being scared.

    Before, I was scared. And it made me unhappy.

    Before, I was unhappy. And it made me non-desirable.

    Before, I was never desired. And it made me lonely.

    Before, I was lonely. And it gave me little self-esteem. Why would I love myself if no-one else did.

    After, I learned to let go of my fears. And it made space in my heart and in my soul for joyous moments and beautiful things.

    After, I learned to recognize when I was happy. Oh the simple feeling of walking in the street and thinking “what a beautiful city I live in”, to breathe deeply and to just feel peace and happiness.

    After, I learned to see that I was desired. There’s nothing like being looked at with desire; and although it can be scary, there’s no shame into accepting to be looked at this way.

    After, I learned to lean on my friends. I was never alone. When I look at all those pictures from before, I’m always surrounded with fun, loving, friends. Now I see them, I lean on them when I need to, and I try to be the best possible friend to them as well, without expectations.

    Today, I am proud of who I am, of what I accomplished, of what I have to offer. I’m not ashamed of what I want for myself. I understand that the balance between control and let-go is very difficult thing to maintain, but, hey, guess what, I’m not longer scared. Bring on the challenge!

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  6. When is it time to settle down?

    November 21, 2012 by Audrey

    I just came back from my first trip to Philadelphia, PA, after moving back to France last April. Everyone here is asking me: how did it feel? Would you want to move back there? How about London? Didn’t you want to move to London? How about Paris? How about…

    As much as all those potential destinations sound exciting and rich in new adventures, I find myself longing for a place to call my own. And it made me wonder: am I ready to settle down? When and how do you know when you’re ready to drop your bags for “good”?

    I happen to stumble upon this article: 10 Things You Should Do Before Settling Down and thought I would take the test to see where I stand…

    1. Find a job you love and kick ass at it: Check!
    It took a little bit of time, and sometimes I feel like I’m a cat with several lives… from advertising career girl to bohemian Club Med G.O., from “has-her-s…-together” manager to moonlighting as a dance instructor… I’m happy where I am now: entrepreneur, blogger, social media maven and I’m good at it! I can honestly say, I’d be happy doing this job for the rest of my life.

    2. Have a summer fling with a hot foreigner: Check!
    Several times indeed… I happened to spend my teenage summers on the French Riviera, perfect location for hot foreigners summer flings: Italian, Croatian, American… Ahem…

    3. Get your heart broken at least once: Check!
    No need to get into details. If you have been following my blog and the previous versions of it, you’ll know…

    4. Stay out all night, just because: Check!
    I haven’t pulled an all-nighter in a while, but I remember that one night up in the Pocono’s cabin when 4 of us decided to stay up all night, just because. We talked, we played, we danced (even if we were not really supposed to…), and we watch the sun rise on the mountain, bundled up in blankets and drinking hot cocoa… It was a wonderful time.

    5. Set a goal and actually reach it: Check!
    I had set 4 years as my life-abroad goal. I felt like it was the minimum to make the experience really worth it and absorb a decent amount of culture. I ended-up staying 8 years in Philly.

    6. Learn how to ask for what you want (and get it!): Check!
    My immigration lawyer said: expect to be given trouble for your traveling visa when you want to come back in the U.S. He said: expect not to get it. When I faced the immigration officer, at the American Embassy in Paris, last September, I was polite, I was honest, I was respectful. I didn’t need more than a 2-weeks visa, I asked for what I needed. They gave me 10-years of hassle-free traveling.

    7. Go on a spontaneous trip with the girls: Maybe?
    Well, we’d need to define the degree of spontaneity and the level of “trip” we’re talking about… Does my day-trip with C. to the Romans Outlets count? Or does it need to be overnight? Something that I wouldn’t completely check yet and probably add on my bucket list instead.

    8. Become totally, completely, 100% financially independent: Check!
    For a while now…

    9. Live in a different state…or country: Check!
    See point #5…

    10. Fall in love with the person of your dreams: Maybe?
    I guess it depends if you look at it as a blessing or a curse. I am intimately persuaded that I have once met the person of my dreams. I know I have fallen in love with him (and others too). Did I ever get the fairy tale love story? No. Will I settle for anything but the butterflies? No. Will I finish my life alone? Maybe. Some will say “better alone than in bad company”… I hope I won’t finish my life alone. But I don’t think that should be of any influence in the settling down question. After all, it takes two to Tango, and falling in shared love is not something that one has the power to control. So, consequently, it shouldn’t influence one’s life decisions. Love is not something you wait to happen in order to deal with things, love is something you deal with when it happens (and you keep on living your life in the meantime.)

    I guess the result speaks for itself… I’m ready. Good thing I found an apartment last week. 2013 will be the year when I drop my luggage and start building.

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  7. 10 things you didn’t know about me…

    November 19, 2012 by Audrey

    You might be a faithful reader but I’m pretty sure I can still surprise you now and then… Here are 10 things you might not know about me and that are probably making me the quirky weirdo person that I am.

    1. As a child I had a fascination for monkeys. I even nicknamed my mother “Monkey Mom” and I would climb on her and make her carry me around like a monkey does with its baby.

    2. I demanded to go to catechism. I loved reading the old testament stories. It was like an action movie. Then, in high-school, I started reading the French philosophers… That was the end of my life as a catholic.

    3. The first artist name I ever pronounced was “Brigitte Bardot”. I was not even 3 years old.

    4. I refused to dive from my parents’ boat. Too scared. One day, my father got really mad at me for whatever I did and he stood up suddenly. I jumped in the water. I guess I was more scared of his wrath than I was of the sea.

    5. My parents used to tell me I wasn’t their real child, but they had found me in a garbage can. I guess I understand now why sometimes I just “don’t belong.”

    6. I was published once. For a teenager romance short-story I had submitted to a Harlequin contest.

    7. I have seen Dirty Dancing 155 times. At least.

    8. I cannot open my legs more than a 90 degrees angle. Manufacturing defect.

    9. The smell of Saucisson Lyonnais makes me gag. That’s my only betrayal to my city.

    10. My go-to song when I’m scared or when I want to empty my head is the score from a childhood manga cartoon: Candy.

    What about you? Give me at least one thing I didn’t know about you in the comment section…

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  8. Why do you blog?

    November 13, 2012 by Audrey

    A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of being interviewed for a local newspaper. My first French interview. Very exciting, isn’t it?

    One of the question the reporter asked left me wordless… For a blogger, that’s pretty bad, right? She asked: “why do you blog?” I almost wanted to answer: “because I have an oversized ego and I think people are interested in what I do and what I think.” Isn’t that the raison d’être of any blog?

    Of course, I gave her the proper (but true) story of how I started with writing newsletters for my friends when I moved to the United States, to keep them updated with my adventures… Soon blogs became more mainstream and I created one because it was better to keep everything in one place. That was 8 years ago.

    From that moment, my personal blog moved from one thing to the next, trying to find its voice, its U.S.P. (Unique Selling Point) as we call it in my line of work. And it became what it is today.

    But if I’m honest and I think about it long and deep, I don’t just blog for others. I blog for myself.

    I blog because I suck at drawing and painting. I’m good at writing.

    I blog because I’m not getting any younger and I often forget when, where, what, why and how I felt.

    I blog because sometimes I question things.

    I blog because I like to entertain.

    I blog because I’m opinionated and I want to share.

    I blog because it makes me feel like I exist in a bigger space than just the one I’m physically in.

    Simply put… I blog, therefore I am.

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